If You're Looking For Dave "Engelberg" Orr, Then Please Leave A Message

By Kevin "The Pistol" Bixby

As many North Ridgeans enjoyed today's Edy's Ice Cream Festival at the Bixby Wiffle Field, one couldn't help but notice the consistant interruptions by numerous phone calls looking for the neighborhood's most famous resident, David "Engelberg" Orr.

From the start of the event at 2 p.m., the phones of residents on Skyline View Drive were ringing off the hook. According to Chris "Tom" Morrow, "There was a lot of free ice cream and Engleberg wasn't there. It just didn't seem to add up ... and I'm an accountant who usually can add things up easily."

"I started receiving phone calls looking for Engelberg about 2:30. Everybody was looking for him. I started putting messages on his car with post-it notes, " stated Rafael "Big Enchilada" Calzada. "It seemed within 3 or 4 hours we received more than 400 calls looking for Engelberg. We were a little worried that he was missing."

Local phone company officials confirm the increase in call volume to North Ridge. "It seemed that there was a definite spike in call volume to the general area on Saturday afternoon. It continued well into the evening. Most calls lasted only a minute. I would hate to be the one taking all of the messages, " said one official who did not want to be identified.

"We were concerned about Engelberg -- as many others were. We made sure we took a message from every single person and put it on the Orr's cars. We want to make sure the Orrs know that people care, " stated local resident George "Paterno" Teague.

But, soon there were so many calls, that additional space was needed to leave the ever-growing number of messages.

"I got concerned that we might forget some, so I started putting his messages on his garage," said Diane Etsweiler. "I do hope he gets them."

But the mystery of Dave's disapperance may be even more troubling. It was only a few weeks ago that a crop circle appeared in the Bixby front yard, and Engelberg reported seeing a landing craft that looked like a large beer can.

"With the increase volume of calls to North Ridge on Saturday, and with the mysterious disapperance of Engelberg, we may come to the conclusion that Engelberg has been abducted by a UFO," said Bill "Buster" Etsweiler, who also serves as the neighborhood forensic scientist. "I'm currently running tests to confirm this. Oh, by the way, did you see me hit that homerun today in the Edy's Cup Wiffle Fest? That's why I was last year's North Ridge Wiffleball Association MVP!"

But as Buster Etsweiler moves forward with his investigation, some North Ridge residents were happy that Engelberg Orr for some odd reason was unable to attend the ice cream party sponsored by Edy's Ice Cream.

"Edy's was kind enough to donate enough ice cream for 100 people," Jodi "The Juice" Morrow. "Many people expressed concern that if Engelberg showed up that only 40 people would have been able to participate. That guy has some type of stomach, you know."